I haven't been this sober since birth.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
