He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
