I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
