By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
