I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
