So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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