Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
