We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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