yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
