My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
