I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
