That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
