im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
As shirtless as possible
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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