My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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