I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
