I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
