Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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