Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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