Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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