just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
