yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
