last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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