I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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