I wish I only lived at night.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
