I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
