im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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