I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
