I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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