I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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