You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
