OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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