i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
