Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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