i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
