im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
