Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
