I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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