Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.

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(616): View more from Michigan

yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.

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(636): View more from Missouri

A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.

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(970): View more from Colorado

And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out

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(757): View more from Virginia

just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life

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(+61): View more from Australia

I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast

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(903): View more from Texas

All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.

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(409): View more from Texas

DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW

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