in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
