hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize