No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize