can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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