Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
