so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
