bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
