I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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