We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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