I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
