no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
