just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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