Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
