I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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