fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
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i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
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We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize