what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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