I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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