i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
