I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
