Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
