I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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