Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
