Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just want to make out with him forever
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
