so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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