I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
