just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
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the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
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One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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