dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
