girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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