Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
