I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
